Friday, October 26, 2007

Dear God, Please Bring my Daddy Home Safely

Dad on his horse

Dad as a electrician

Dad as a father walking his daughter down the aisle
I looked scared and Dad was saying,"Keep that dress
away from my feet!"

Dad and his Ford tractor

Yesterday I saw an old friend of my dad's at the grocery store. We were in the same check-out line so I asked him if he knew that my dad has passed away. He said yes he did. I told him Dad had been in the hospital for six weeks and that they had given him morphine that had caused him to say some funny things. My dad had been an electrician and he thought he was working on the electricity in the hospital ceiling. He had a tv cable in his hands and was looking up at the grid ceiling thinking about fixing it. He asked my husband for tools and was telling us that if he could just get a certain man he knew to come everything would be alright. I said to my dad's friend at the store that this was funny, but this was before we knew how bad his condition was. So I guess this prompted my dad's friend to tell me what a good time he and my dad and another friend who worked with my dad had at the electric company shop. One time he said someone gave my dad a big jar of homemade whiskey. So the three of them sat at the shop in some big easy chairs that were there and passed this jar around and drank it all. He said that he got up to leave and could barely walk out through these huge double doors that you pulled trucks through. I don't even want to think about the driving that he did. So I laughed with him and told him to take care of himself as I said good-bye. After I got into my car I thought to myself I should have told him, "You guys may have been having fun, but you don't know the countless nights I lay awake in my bed praying for God to bring my Daddy safely home." I would listen every night for his pickup to pull up in our long driveway so I could finally go to sleep. We lived out in the country on a county road in a small town (the same town that I live in now). It was quiet and I could usually tell the sound of his pickup coming down the road. I had an upstairs bedroom and I would go to the bathroom window overlooking the front yard and check to make sure his vehicle was coming down the road or into the drive. He didn't always come into the house right away. He usually fell asleep out in his truck. But at least he was home. My dad quit drinking about 20 years ago but he probably drank 35 years straight before that. That's one of the reasons he didn't make it after his surgery. His liver had some cirhosis (sp?) and they couldn't get him to stop bleeding. That's one of your liver's main jobs is to stop bleeding. My dad has been gone for 3 months now on the 27th. I watched him in the hospital, his body filled with fluid twice his size that his kidneys couldn't work hard enough to get rid of. And it didn't matter to me one bit what my dad may have ever done or not done. I just wanted him to live and be well. He was my dad, just my dear old dad. It's hard to let someone go, but believe me I have many good memories of him. I love you, Daddy. I always will.


Sandy said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Junebug said...

Sandy: Thank you. I just needed to get that out today. They say grief comes in waves and this was a small wave.

Karmyn R said...

That was kind of a bittersweet memory of your dad. Sounds like you love and miss him very much!

After my FIL had his stroke - whenever he would fall asleep, his fingers and arms would start going. We finally realized he was tying "flies" for his fishing lures! It was humorous to watch.

Pamela said...

If there is such a thing as a good sad.... thats what I got from your topic today.

sniff (:

Junebug said...

Karmyn: It is humorous to see people fall back into what they did the most or loved the most.

Pamela: yes, I was sad but I love thinking about him also. The friend and the conversation brought it all back again with freshness.

Humble Origins said...

...Oh Junebug, I am so sorry for your loss. What a sad yet endearing story of your father...
...It's hard when you become an adult and you look back on your parent's life, you always have this vision that they are supposed to be perfect, but they are human and they make mistakes...your father sounded like a nice fellow.
...My thoughts and prayers are with you...
...Peace & blessings... ;o)

Junebug said...

humble origins: Thank you. Yes, my dad was wonderful to me, growing up I loved being around him, he was actually a very friendly outgoing guy that everyone was drawn to and liked. His drinking was a problem, an addiction really, but he overcame that for the past 25 years. I was proud of him for that.

Kila said...

I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad. That's a tough one.

I'm glad you had a chance to talk with a friend of his.

My DH often falls asleep in the driveway like that.

linda may said...

I found your blog tonight via willowtree's fun monday t.shirt art. I like the way you write.
I know how you think about a Dad when he is gone. My Dad died in 1999. You think about him every day, something silly will remind you, like a dumb or a funny saying they had and you will know that they are still with you in other ways. Girls love their fathers even when they know they are not perfect. Maybe it is part of growing up to learn that the people we love are imperfect and mortal. Then one day we wil stop and look in shock because the walk isn't so brisk or that old man we see going down the street is showing his age. Sad but just another part of lifes journey.

Junebug said...

Kila: Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Life is hard, but God is good.
Linda May: Glad to hear from you. Your words are so true, things like that creep up on us and we are reminded of how fleeting life is on earth.